LEAVING IS NOT ALWAYS THE SAFEST OPTION and I wish more people understood that.

Our nervous system is always reaching for our safety and survival. By any means necessary. Sometimes that’s fleeing. Sometimes it’s fighting. Sometimes it’s collapsing.

However you survived is brilliant, and I am sorry if you have experienced people questioning your survival.

Questions like: why didn’t you just leave? if it was that bad, why did you stay so long? . . .

. . . they’re just not helpful.

I get why people ask them; often want to find the rhyme or reason in an awful and hard-to-digest or fathom experience.

But they’re not the most supportive questions.

And. The more we know about the nervous system, the more we’ll realize that there are better questions to ask. And that, what’s more, there might be other WORDS we can offer. Not questions, just validation and support.

Because when we learn more about how our physiology is always taking the actions that help us to survive, is always doing its absolute best to get us through a challenging situation (sometimes we can get out, sometimes we find ways to stay until it ends because we can’t flee yet) . . . we know that some of the choices are a bit choiceless, and not a reflection of someone’s lack of willpower (ew, not a great take, right?), but relative to circumstance.

Seeing you in your survival, whatever it looked or looks like.

Jess