Touch is a Relationship

it’s not nothing, to receive bodywork. especially from new hands and a new practitioner. especially if we have a history that includes harm and violation via touch. especially if our nervous system is keyed up, our muscles guarded.
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for some people, this isn’t a big deal. it’s no thing, to be massaged by someone, anyone. but for a lot of us, it’s the biggest dang deal. because our body and our skin and our nervous system remember things that have happened to us before. we bring those experiences with us into the session, onto the table, on our skin and under the sheets.
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often i remind first-time clients that we’re in a new relationship. trust doesn’t need to come right away. clients can decide how much touch (if any - somatic work can happen without touch, and same goes for energetics), what kind of touch, what pressure, all of that. clients might want to remain clothed, or keep more clothing on. this is all okay. accepted. allowed.
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often for the first massage we don’t do super deep work. it’s more of a hello. here i am, a therapist who is engaging in a relationship and negotiation with you around touch. i am gentle. i am always gentle (though potent) but especially gentle for the first session.
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touch is a relationship and there can be a lot to navigate within that therapeutic relationship. a lot is happening. more than touch is happening, because our physical contact touches deeper layers and because an alchemy exists between the client and practitioner. because, ideally the client and the bodyworker are co-regulating, a safe hum of the nervous systems syncing and connecting. and a safe container needs to be built to hold this hum.
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If touch is a lot for you, i see you. i am you. and in my role as a somatic practitioner and trauma-informed bodyworker, i honor the hell out of that.

You Don't Need to Survive Your Massage

You don’t need to survive your massage
✧if the pressure is too deep
✧if the pace is too fast
✧if you feel panicky while you’re “supposed” to be relaxing

Your bodywork session is for YOU. To meet your needs. Your body, your nervous system. A massage isn’t something to survive or endure. There’s enough of that in the world.

So if you find yourself pushing through, your bodyworker might be pushing too hard. Or there might be anxiety or big feelings on top of the muscles and tissues (and we’ll get to this part soon, pinky promise). It’s okay to ask for a pause. Ask for less pressure. Ask for more pressure. Change positions. Ask your bodyworker to slow down. Take a moment and get in touch with your breath and what’s coming up for you.

Whatever. You. Need.

It’s okay. Truly. Because a massage is not something to survive.

Let's Talk Bodywork and Massage

Hi friends. I’m going to start sharing about trauma-informed b o d y w o r k, because it’s kind of my thing. Don’t worry, there will still be moody poems and memes because those are also my thing. We’ll get into what the heck trauma-informed bodywork is, how to begin when your body holds so much trauma you’ve avoided working with it, and we’ll explore massage myths.
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For now, let’s talk b o d y w o r k, which means: let’s talk massage because guess what they’re the same thing, basically.
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mirriam-webster says:
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mas·​sage, noun: manipulation of tissues (as by rubbing, kneading, or tapping) with the hand or an instrument for relaxation or therapeutic purposes
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bodywork, noun: therapeutic touching or manipulation of the body by using specialized techniques
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I like to use the word b o d y w o r k because it feels wider to me than what we think about when someone says massage. We might think about a relaxing swedish massage at a spa (fluffy robe, warm oil, long soothing strokes) or a sports/medical massage after an injury (deep tissue, trigger points, gentle stretching). But b o d y w o r k can be so very many things. It’s a wide world. It’s an ocean you can swim in. There are modalities that are relaxing, energizing, clearing (on energetic, physical, and emotional levels), and rehabilitative. There are modalities rooted in different places in the world. There is probably a modality out there that works for you even if you haven’t found it yet.
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In my integrative massage sessions, I love to blend modalities to meet the client’s needs. I’m often turning to swedish massage (those soothing strokes for tight muscles and a weary nervous system), craniosacral therapy (gentle holds, like a steady anchor the body and nervous system can move around), and fascial unwinding (witnessing and supporting the unwinding of body-held and tissue-held patterns). My hands are always holding energy, but I don’t identify as an energy worker. It’s just something that is always happening, and often an alchemy between myself and a client.
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I hope this helps clarify what the heck I mean when I say b o d y w o r k. This isn’t the end-all be-all definition, it’s just mine. What’s yours?