When a coach or healer says they are ethical or trauma-informed, it doesn't always mean they are ethical or trauma-informed. So what now?

When a coach or healer says they are ethical or trauma-informed (and soooo many are saying it right now; have you noticed that, too?), it doesn't always mean they are ethical or trauma-informed. As potential clients and customers, it's important to use our discernment. And herein lies the challenge.

As a survivor of trauma, it might be extra challenging to use discernment. Especially when some coaches and healers are practiced at clouding, manipulating and diverting discernment and critique.

We hear it all the time. Clients or customers bring up a concern or critique, and coaches and healers say:

➞ That’s just your block

➞ Well what does this say about you?

➞ That’s not my problem

➞ Find the lesson in this

And while self-reflection is a valid tool for growth and self-awareness, gaslighting is neither ethical nor trauma-informed. And so many healers and coachers take part in this practice.

What’s more, someone who has been through a traumatic experience might notice:

➞ A struggle expressing and holding firm boundaries

➞ Tendencies toward people pleasing

➞ Hesitance to speak up and say no

➞ The tendency to blame the one thing we can control (ourselves)

And listen, coaches and healers know this. (<--- this is the part that fires me up!!)

The actual trauma-informed coaches and healers aren’t using this information to manipulate and clients and customers.

The actual trauma-informed coaches and healers aren’t using this information to prey on folks who might be more vulnerable to mixed messages, gaslighting and “tough love”.

The actual trauma-informed coaches and healers aren’t responding to critique or feedback with lines meant for clients to internalize the issue so that the practitioner doesn’t have to take any accountability.

But some of them are. That sucks, and I’m so sorry. You deserve better. So much better.

You know I’m a softy, but I also don’t mess around with so much of the bullshit our fields do, and as long as it’s happening, I’ll call it in and out. If you're a coach or a healer (or anyone who works with humans) on this list, you already know your clients deserve better (and they're getting better from you!).

If you want to deepen your skillset to meet clients with a more trauma-informed approach, join us in Foundations. The doors are open and it’s both sweet and a little spicy inside. We'll spend 5 weeks forming a trauma-informed approach that honors the needs of our business, our selves and our clients.

Basically, we'll do the opposite of what this letter describes. We'll explore how trauma might impact clients (it might seem like the ways are countless, but we're going to count them anyway), and we'll make a plan to be as supportive to clients as possible. As the word states, trauma will inform the ways we show up. For real.​

Are you in? Hoping so.

Jess

P.S. Eeek, I generalized. I try not to generalize, because people (coaches, healers, and folks who've been through trauma) are unique individuals, aaaaand sometimes there are patterns. My list about folks who have been through trauma might not resonate 100%. Also, often vigilance and hypervigilance (a.k.a. being on alert) means folks who have been through trauma are on the lookout for bullshit. Also, not all healers or coaches suck, there are some AMAZING folks even here on this list! And, finally, folks in healing and coaching can also be folks who have been through trauma.

Dear Coaches: Mindset Isn't Everything

I am beyond tired of healing and coaching models boiling complex circumstances down to mindset work & emotional/mental/healing blocks. There is no way this is the full picture. However, this is a great business model if you want someone to believe they are the problem and they can only change themselves and their circumstances via your program or services.

If a client feels aligned with and inspired by mindset work, breaking through blocks, and doing inner work - yahoo, go for it!

But I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about mindset work that doesn’t acknowledge systemic oppression, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, try harder, get out of your own way, don’t be a victim of your circumstance language and approaches.

I’m talking about reducing a complex, holistic, messy situation into a wholly personal problem.

I’m talking about a client bringing a coach (business, healing, life, whatever!) a criticism (of the coach, a methodology, life, whatever!) & the critique being turned right back around onto the client as a block they need to clear/work through/whatever!

I’m talking about where we are pointing our fucking fingers, and can we please be more thoughtful and careful & intentional about it?

This narrow approach of “you are the problem/I am the problem” can feel empowering, sometimes! We often turn to this when we feel out of control in a situation we need to survive. If I am the problem, then maybe I can solve the problem, and things will get better. Seems easier than changing all these shitty external out-of-our-hands things.

When we look at our selves, we are powerful - yes. When we look at our world and the systems we live in, they are powerful too.

I will not rally behind coaches distilling complex issues into client’s personal problems. It is gross, it is negligent, it is misinformed, and it is harmful.

So what can we do as folks in healing and helping spaces?

Can we follow our clients’ lead on the approaches that best serve them?
Can we strive to be anti-oppressive & learn about systemic injustice?
Can we stop teaching & preaching mindset as a way of bypassing tough realities & collective states?
Can we? Please?

Love/I’ve had it,
Jess