Sometimes the things that happened to us are unspeakable but often our body knows the words

Sometimes the things that happened to us are unspeakable but often our body knows the words, holds the experience, makes muscle memory of the truth. Somatic knowing and memories are valid, even without the traditional narrative that so many expect.

In a world that doesn’t make space for survivors’ stories and truth, the body can be testament. The body can be holy ground of hot knowing and surefire knowledge.

And as humans with brains in a society that gaslights, dismisses, minimizes and pathologizes, even the brilliance of our body might come into question from our brain from time to time.

Perhaps our body has a knowing that doesn’t pour itself into 26 letters and words. Perhaps our body speaks to us through symptoms, symbols and dreams, whatever it takes to unleash the truth and dare (or hope) to be heard. However your body expresses its held experiences, this truth, your truth, is believed and held here. So are you.

Somatic & Emotional Flashbacks

• You can experience flashbacks even without tangible memories, thoughts, or visuals.

• Flashbacks can be emotional, somatic, and visceral.

• If you experience flashbacks without memories, your experience is valid.

• If you experience flashbacks through body sensations and waves of emotion, your experience is valid.

• Your flashbacks are valid.

• Your sensations are valid.

• Your emotions are valid.

• Your experience is valid.

If you have ever opened a book on trauma, or clicked on an IG post, and read about flashbacks - you might have seen a common narrative that equates flashbacks to memories.

And if you have memories of your traumatic experience/s, perhaps this parallel resonated with you.

But if you are one of many people who remember traumatic experiences somatically, if you don’t have all of the "who, what, when, where" puzzle pieces, you might have felt left out or invalidated. You might have wondered: Is the full-body shaking and the tears that landslide while I’m trying to fall asleep not a flashback? Is the terror that freezes me while sharing intimacy (or encountering a certain smell, or being around a certain person) not a flashback? Perhaps deep in your bones you know you are experiencing flashbacks, but it can be tricky to feel validated when your narrative is more nebulous than tangible.

You’re not alone. For many survivors of trauma, emotional and somatic flashbacks and flooding are a common experience, even if they can be hard to talk about.

Though the body can hold what happens to us, the body can also repress traumatic events. And there is wisdom in that. If you don't remember the details, there is wisdom in that. If your memories are somatic and visceral, there is wisdom in that.

It can feel problematic when other folx and practitioners want these details, request them, require them. But not knowing them doesn't make your experience any less valid. It doesn't.

Your sensations are valid. Your emotions are valid. Your flashbacks are valid. Your experience is valid

There is something deep inside of you that knows, and something deep inside of me that believes you.

Touch is a Relationship

it’s not nothing, to receive bodywork. especially from new hands and a new practitioner. especially if we have a history that includes harm and violation via touch. especially if our nervous system is keyed up, our muscles guarded.
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for some people, this isn’t a big deal. it’s no thing, to be massaged by someone, anyone. but for a lot of us, it’s the biggest dang deal. because our body and our skin and our nervous system remember things that have happened to us before. we bring those experiences with us into the session, onto the table, on our skin and under the sheets.
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often i remind first-time clients that we’re in a new relationship. trust doesn’t need to come right away. clients can decide how much touch (if any - somatic work can happen without touch, and same goes for energetics), what kind of touch, what pressure, all of that. clients might want to remain clothed, or keep more clothing on. this is all okay. accepted. allowed.
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often for the first massage we don’t do super deep work. it’s more of a hello. here i am, a therapist who is engaging in a relationship and negotiation with you around touch. i am gentle. i am always gentle (though potent) but especially gentle for the first session.
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touch is a relationship and there can be a lot to navigate within that therapeutic relationship. a lot is happening. more than touch is happening, because our physical contact touches deeper layers and because an alchemy exists between the client and practitioner. because, ideally the client and the bodyworker are co-regulating, a safe hum of the nervous systems syncing and connecting. and a safe container needs to be built to hold this hum.
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If touch is a lot for you, i see you. i am you. and in my role as a somatic practitioner and trauma-informed bodyworker, i honor the hell out of that.

You Don't Need to Survive Your Massage

You don’t need to survive your massage
✧if the pressure is too deep
✧if the pace is too fast
✧if you feel panicky while you’re “supposed” to be relaxing

Your bodywork session is for YOU. To meet your needs. Your body, your nervous system. A massage isn’t something to survive or endure. There’s enough of that in the world.

So if you find yourself pushing through, your bodyworker might be pushing too hard. Or there might be anxiety or big feelings on top of the muscles and tissues (and we’ll get to this part soon, pinky promise). It’s okay to ask for a pause. Ask for less pressure. Ask for more pressure. Change positions. Ask your bodyworker to slow down. Take a moment and get in touch with your breath and what’s coming up for you.

Whatever. You. Need.

It’s okay. Truly. Because a massage is not something to survive.

Let's Talk Bodywork and Massage

Hi friends. I’m going to start sharing about trauma-informed b o d y w o r k, because it’s kind of my thing. Don’t worry, there will still be moody poems and memes because those are also my thing. We’ll get into what the heck trauma-informed bodywork is, how to begin when your body holds so much trauma you’ve avoided working with it, and we’ll explore massage myths.
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For now, let’s talk b o d y w o r k, which means: let’s talk massage because guess what they’re the same thing, basically.
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mirriam-webster says:
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mas·​sage, noun: manipulation of tissues (as by rubbing, kneading, or tapping) with the hand or an instrument for relaxation or therapeutic purposes
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bodywork, noun: therapeutic touching or manipulation of the body by using specialized techniques
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I like to use the word b o d y w o r k because it feels wider to me than what we think about when someone says massage. We might think about a relaxing swedish massage at a spa (fluffy robe, warm oil, long soothing strokes) or a sports/medical massage after an injury (deep tissue, trigger points, gentle stretching). But b o d y w o r k can be so very many things. It’s a wide world. It’s an ocean you can swim in. There are modalities that are relaxing, energizing, clearing (on energetic, physical, and emotional levels), and rehabilitative. There are modalities rooted in different places in the world. There is probably a modality out there that works for you even if you haven’t found it yet.
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In my integrative massage sessions, I love to blend modalities to meet the client’s needs. I’m often turning to swedish massage (those soothing strokes for tight muscles and a weary nervous system), craniosacral therapy (gentle holds, like a steady anchor the body and nervous system can move around), and fascial unwinding (witnessing and supporting the unwinding of body-held and tissue-held patterns). My hands are always holding energy, but I don’t identify as an energy worker. It’s just something that is always happening, and often an alchemy between myself and a client.
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I hope this helps clarify what the heck I mean when I say b o d y w o r k. This isn’t the end-all be-all definition, it’s just mine. What’s yours?

notes for when we're in it

I was talking to a friend the other day. Well, crying to a friend the other day. I was feeling a little bit ledgey. Emotional. Drastic. In a precarious place. She didn’t try to talk me out of it. She just got up on the metaphorical ledge with me. Stood next to me. Stayed with me until I was ready to come down.

This is what we all need I think. Not someone to fast forward us, or slap a silver lining on it, or remind us that it will get better and this is all happening for a reason. Part of us knows all of that, but perhaps the loudest (the neediest) part of us is on the ledge and we just want someone to sit there beside us. Maybe with a hand on our shoulder. We’re asking: just be in it with us. We’re already in it and that’s hard but harder still is to be alone in it. Please, don’t leave us alone in it.

It is a gift to have a friend who will climb up onto the ledge. It is a gift to be this friend. Ledgewalkers and edgewalkers, I️ see you. I’m with you. It’s scary and hard and you’re really high up there and really deep down in it. I’ll sit with you, limbs trembling and wind whipping all around us. I won’t try to fix it or talk you down or point out the beautiful view. I’ll just be here. With you. For as long as it takes. We don’t have to go anywhere til you’re ready.