What do doorways have to do with trauma recovery?

One key component of a traumatic experience is that we are often stripped of choice. We don’t choose traumatic events, they are things that happen to us. And we often don’t get to make many choices throughout the experience. Of course our nervous system is always making the best choice that it can for our survival and well-being, but more often that not, those are limited too.

So what does this have to do with doorways and trauma recovery?

A trauma-informed approach to healing supports clients in acting from a place of agency. In making the choices that best take care of themselves. In choosing the pace that feels right, choosing what to share and what to hold close for the timebeing.

Part of this approach can be about illuminating doorways. Something many trauma survivors have in common is wanting to know where the exit is. We also might want to know where a door that leads us to connection and belonging exists. So part of our work (whether this is through self-care or with our clients) might be to find these doorways.

This isn't about knowing the best door for our clients, because we likely don’t. (Though we might have some great ideas, and those are so welcome!) This isn't about pushing them through the doorway or pressuring them to choose a certain doorway that we think is the right one.

This is about letting clients know that there are pathways that can take them deeper into the work and help them face their sensations, and pathways that can take them out of the intensity of the experience and back and to safety and resourcing.

This blog could be a mile long, because these topics are complex. I imagine you have experienced some of these things before. Maybe feeling overwhelmed by a tidal wave of feelings and frantically looking for an exit.

Perhaps feeling a readiness to spend time with feelings or unresolved trauma and not knowing where to turn for support as you do that work.

One way that we can shine a light on the doorways and illuminate choices is with our words. We can give clients and in and out. We can remind our clients (or ourselves) that yes, these feelings are here, and also there is a choice about how to engage with them. We have a choice about if we even want to engage with them.

And sometimes for survivors of trauma, choices can be overwhelming. So we might strive to be really gentle with ourselves and our clients. To make the choices small. What’s the best choice in this moment? We don’t have to solve everything in one session or one breath. But what might we need right now? An entrance, or an exit? To dial back the intensity or to turn up the volume?

Just a few things to think about. In a few days, I'll be inviting you to explore trauma informed language with me through a free mini course. At that time, I'll invite you to consider if this is a choice that serves you, or something you want to say no to. I celebrate your decision either way!

Trusting your choices and looking forward to connecting soon,

Jess