I honor your survival
I honor your survival.
I believe your survival.
I am in awe of your survival.
I support your survival.
I honor your survival.
I believe your survival.
I am in awe of your survival.
I support your survival.
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I know that the word “survival” is past tense and sometimes you are still surviving.
I know there aren’t enough strong supports and soft places.
I know it can feel incredibly alone and too fucking hard and painfully endless.
I know it is tiring. So so tiring.
I see you keeping going.
I see you stopping to rest.
I see you itchy and struggling to pause, to receive rest.
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I honor and hold and bow to your experience. To the late nights and bitter resentment and fearful holding. To the adaptive coping mechanisms you needed and wish you didn’t need any longer. To the weariness that pulls on your heartsleeves. To feeling misunderstood and out of place, where is my place, where is my story’s place? To all it takes to survive, to keep surviving - I honor and hold and bow to all of that.
On Not Rushing Someone Through Their Grief
Sometimes we don’t need the situation to be fixed. We don’t always want advice. It’s often not helpful (and can be hurtful) to be redirected to a silver lining when we are in a storm.
There can be so much comfort in another human witnessing our pain and grief. Witnessing where we are without trying to change it. Loving us through it without pushing us through it.
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Sometimes we don’t need the situation to be fixed. We don’t always want advice. It’s often not helpful (and can be hurtful) to be redirected to a silver lining when we are in a storm.
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Though there is a time and place for advice and positivity, not every time and place calls for this.
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So when a witness to the painful moment we are in is what we are needing. When a hand to hold through the storm is what we desire.
When companionable silence and taking our time with our story is our deepest wish.
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I wish these things for you.
I wish these things for me.
I wish these things for all of us.
⋒ For more support in compassionate listening, check out my virtual guide, It’s Not All Good! ⋒
Somatic & Emotional Flashbacks
If you have ever opened a book on trauma, or clicked on an IG post, and read about flashbacks - you might have seen a common narrative that equates flashbacks to memories.
And if you have memories of your traumatic experience/s, perhaps this parallel resonated with you.
But if you are one of many people who remember traumatic experiences somatically, if you don’t have all of the "who, what, when, where" puzzle pieces, you might have felt left out or invalidated.
You can experience flashbacks even without tangible memories, thoughts, or visuals.
Flashbacks can be emotional, somatic, and visceral.
If you experience flashbacks without memories, your experience is valid.
If you experience flashbacks through body sensations and waves of emotion, your experience is valid.
Your flashbacks are valid.
Your sensations are valid.
Your emotions are valid.
Your experience is valid.
If you have ever opened a book on trauma, or clicked on an IG post, and read about flashbacks - you might have seen a common narrative that equates flashbacks to memories.
And if you have memories of your traumatic experience/s, perhaps this parallel resonated with you.
But if you are one of many people who remember traumatic experiences somatically, if you don’t have all of the "who, what, when, where" puzzle pieces, you might have felt left out or invalidated. You might have wondered: Is the full-body shaking and the tears that landslide while I’m trying to fall asleep not a flashback? Is the terror that freezes me while sharing intimacy (or encountering a certain smell, or being around a certain person) not a flashback? Perhaps deep in your bones you know you are experiencing flashbacks, but it can be tricky to feel validated when your narrative is more nebulous than tangible.
You’re not alone. For many survivors of trauma, emotional and somatic flashbacks and flooding are a common experience, even if they can be hard to talk about.
Though the body can hold what happens to us, the body can also repress traumatic events. And there is wisdom in that. If you don't remember the details, there is wisdom in that. If your memories are somatic and visceral, there is wisdom in that.
It can feel problematic when other folx and practitioners want these details, request them, require them. But not knowing them doesn't make your experience any less valid. It doesn't.
Your sensations are valid. Your emotions are valid. Your flashbacks are valid. Your experience is valid
There is something deep inside of you that knows, and something deep inside of me that believes you.
May We Not Bypass These Times
May we not bypass pain with silver linings.
May we not bypass truth with platitudes.
May we not bypass oppression with broad strokes of “unity.”
May we not bypass these times.
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May we not bypass pain with silver linings.
May we not bypass truth with platitudes.
May we not bypass oppression with broad strokes of “unity.”
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May we not bypass these times.
May we live in the very moment we are in.
May we acknowledge what is true (the very corrupt, capitalist, white supremacist truth of it) so that we may, in ourselves and in these systems - transform it.
⋒ For more support in compassionate listening, check out my virtual guide, It’s Not All Good! ⋒
The Intersection of Privilege & Regulation
Shaking is great, and can one shake their way out of oppression? Somatic experiencing is great, and can one voo their way out of anti-Black racism? Bodywork is great, and can one receive their way out of a nervous system that constantly receives threats to its very existence?
There is inherent privilege in not needing to be hypervigilant. In co-regulating. In a settled nervous system.
So while yes, practitioners can offer supportive tools for regulating the nervous system... this offering is incomplete without addressing, naming, and transforming systemic oppression.
Shaking is great, and can one shake their way out of oppression? Somatic experiencing is great, and can one voo their way out of anti-Black racism? Bodywork is great, and can one receive their way out of a nervous system that constantly receives threats to its very existence?
May this be at the forefront for all practitioners. May practitioners not only empower folx with tools for nervous system regulation, but work individually and collectively for a world in which less tools are needed.
If This is Resilience, I Want No Part
Can we stop glamorizing dandelions growing through concrete and glorifying resilience?
Yes, it’s amazing what humans can survive.
And: there should be less to survive.
Dandelions thrive in earth, not concrete. It might seem incredible when dandelions grow through concrete, but imagine how much more incredible it would be if they could grow in an environment meant for them, with the things they need to flourish?